It’s been five weeks since you passed away. There are moments when I can still feel you next to me. There are moments when I miss you so much, there are no words I have to describe the emptiness I feel. The apartment feels different without you. I miss the sound of your “high heels” clanking across the hard wood floors–the way your one toenail on each foot would grow just a little bit longer than the others so that everyone could hear you coming! I miss the sass in your steps. I miss seeing your tiny face in the window waiting for me to come home from work. Seeing you sitting there, waiting for me, brought me so much happiness–I hope you know that.
Thank you for being in my life. Thinking back, there are things I would have done differently, and I want you to know that. I would have taken you and your brother with me when I had to move back to Ohio for 2 years. I regret losing that time with you. I would have fed you better food from the start and let you outside more often so that you could feel the sunshine on your face and explore the neighborhood. I just wanted to protect you and keep you safe. Selfish, I know, but it was out of love. I wish I could have cured your cancer, diabetes, and pancreatitis… I wish that more than anything, because then you would still be here with me.
Something I need you to know: everyone who met you loved you. That is the truth. You were the most special cat I have ever met. I wish we could have one more moment together so that I could be certain you understood this fact. Your character instantly drew people in. You certainly tolerated a lot from me! The costume moments we had together were hysterical. From the crochet hats that Aunt Liz made for you (which is what started it all), to the Halloween and Christmas outfits…. you were a star.
The bright pink bougainvillea growing outside the living room window both makes me smile and makes my heart sink at the same time. I think of you every time the flowers gather in a pile on the ground, and I remember how you loved to catch them as they would fall and pull them through the screen. How did you do that!?
Caring for you during your diabetic years was tough on us both. I was so worried about you, and questioned what was best for you. I want you to know that you taught me the greatest life lesson during this time. It came from YOU, Jack. You taught me how to care, and how to be patient while caring for you. You taught me how to love like I have never loved before. Caring for you was my greatest pride, please know that. Caring for you made me a better person. You taught me responsibility, and I will always be indebted to you for these qualities which you paved the way for me.
I miss you my beautiful boy, and want you to know that we WILL see each other again, and I cannot wait for that moment.
I love you Jackie Boy,
Mom
Andrea
